Oftentimes, when people talk about what each gender requests in the other, there will be people who believe that both genders are expected to go for the exact same things. This is a delusion.

Men and women are different and so are their preferences. This is because nature is trying to encourage each gender to go for the qualities which will complete their mating strategy.

If you want to understand what attracts men and what attracts women, the clue is in what each gender values in the other. Our preferences are linked to what we perceive as assisting us to survive and reproduce. And if you haven’t already guessed it, women are the ones whose role is to replicate and the man is the one who has the role of being responsible for ensuring survival of the family.

Women are biologically built to birth and nurture the next generation (through pregnancy, lactation etc.). Men are aggressive and strong, and are biologically built to protect the next generation. So what women are attracted to are the traits that signal a protector/ provider, whilst men are attracted to traits which signal a source of nurturing.

Men are known to be generally simple. They are attracted to beauty and youth. Beauty is a genetic indicator of health and fertility, signalling to the male that the woman is a great source for reproduction. 

This is why men are heavily focused on looks and sex. Subconsciously, he knows that having sex will heighten the chances of him continuing on his genes, thus completing his role in the survival-and-reproduction process.

On the other hand, women are a bit more complicated. They prioritise much more than just physical attractiveness because they instinctively measure men based on survival traits. Go on any dating app and you’ll see how women themselves write on their profiles all the different qualities that they are looking for in a man.

Some of the main qualities women look for include: intelligence, mental and physical strength, leadership traits, financial stability (including own home or car), confidence, humour, and so on. And if a man has these qualities, she will begin to view the man as attractive.

Subconsciously, she is looking for a man who has traits that signal he has protective value. This combines the missing piece of ‘survival’ in the survival-and-reproduction process for her.

Yes, a woman does value physical attractiveness. But it just isn’t as much as men do. And when a woman is placing high value on physical attractiveness, it is her seeking to collect high-quality genes from the male in order to have a baby with those high-quality genes. But there will always be a need for her to also seek out a male who will commit his resources and attention to her, in order to help look after the offspring.

Because of the differences in what either side needs to complete it’s strategy, it means that it is totally logical to expect that men/women look for different traits, even when they don’t offer those same traits in return. For example, someone may be surprised to hear an overweight man say that he desires a fit woman. Or you may be confused to hear a woman who earns $30,000 a year talk of her desires to secure a man who earns $100,000 a year.

You may say, how can they demand something which they do not have themselves? Well the answer is that although they may not have the exact same asset themselves, they may have an asset which the opposite-sex desires even more.

The different qualities that the opposite sex looks for defines what asset you have to bargain with in the sexual marketplace. For example, that woman who doesn’t earn $100,000 may use her looks (female assets) to get the man with abundant wealth. This is why you see models with wealthy men (such as athletes or entertainers). 

Wealthy men generally don’t go for ugly women who have just as much wealth as them, since that’s not what they require instinctively. And beautiful women may be happy to get with ugly men who are wealthy, since the security that comes from money is much more useful to her than physical attractiveness. 

So in a nutshell, attraction is defined by the survival and reproduction process, and what each party brings to the table in regards to helping the potential partner complete the process.

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